I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
