We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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