he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
