I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
