...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
