Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize