i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
