It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
