You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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