He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
