"it" just moved
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
