Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
