I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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