is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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