by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
