Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sober January is a disaster.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
