There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
