All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
