The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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