remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
