please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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