I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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