Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
