If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
