chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
