is your mom at the bar?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
