Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
