I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
