Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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