She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
