so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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