you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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