my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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