five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
