gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
