btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize