Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
