I want to stick my p in your. b.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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