summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
