My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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