FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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