i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Randomize
