I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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