I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
