she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
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Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
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If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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