I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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