So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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