I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
