You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
