Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
