you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
