I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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