You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
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i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize