I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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