i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
