I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
