tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize