Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
