it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
