I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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