From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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