the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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