I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
