I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
