I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
