flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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