Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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